The Top 5 Reasons I am ProLife

5 Reasons Why I'm Pro-life. Pro-life mama.

This blog has been quiet for a while and for a very good reason. I recently gave birth to our sixth child.

Yes, sixth.

This seems to invite a number of responses; some positive and some not so positive. So, in light of that and recent news events, I decided there was no better time to enter the conversation on why I am pro-life. I know, I know. It’s almost a dirty word these days.

The word itself probably evokes deep, very real emotions for many of you. Maybe you have deep convictions about your pro-life stance. Perhaps your blood boils because you equate “pro-life” with a picture of someone who doesn’t care about women’s rights. I would like to clarify that I am very much FOR women. Yet, I am unabashedly pro-life for many reasons.

I’d like to share just 5.

#1  My Faith 

You know it; I know it. Let’s just get this one out of the way. My beliefs about most things are shaped by my Christian faith. (If you don’t share my faith, don’t worry, I have other reasons to come. Stay with me here.) I believe that there is one God; Creator, Savior, Author of all life. Since I believe He creates all life, I think it follows that He gets the final word on it.  “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you.”(Jeremiah 1:5)

This could really be the one and only reason, because what He says is really all that matters.

But then, I promised you five, didn’t I?

#2 Science 

Yeah, I know. You weren’t expecting that one. Science? Yes! As far as I know, based on the science of heredity and reproduction, two humans can only reproduce … humans. I have not seen a single case where two humans reproduced and created anything else. So, if I am for human rights, and stand by the statement that all men (and women) are created equal – I would be hard pressed to find a way to exclude the rights of, well, humans.

If my life matters and I have certain rights because of it, then does my life value less if I grew up in the projects vs. the wealthy part of town? Does it matter less if I travel to another country? Is it only valuable in America, but not once I leave the borders? What determines my value? My circumstances? My location?

“That’s absurd”, you say. Well, I agree. I don’t think my circumstances or my  location can determine the value of a human life.

it's a baby whether inside or outside the womb
Same baby, different location. My sweet baby “A”!

#3  I Have Looked Her in the Eye

Her. Recovering physically from an abortion but not recovering well emotionally. The one with the heartache. The woman who is suddenly less a statistic and now a real, tangible person that I have to look in the eye. And I find myself saying, “I’m so sorry”. If abortion is such a good thing, such a “rescue”, and such a “freedom”, why am I so compelled to answer her tears and grief with “I’m so sorry”?

Why is Post Abortion Syndrome a problem? Why do so many women experience regret, depression, nightmares, thoughts about her aborted child, broken relationships, or so many other problems? No, I am not suggesting every woman experiences every one of these problems after an abortion. But in the safety of a counseling room where there is real freedom to talk without judgement or condemnation, there is real hurt. And if you don’t think abortion is hurting women, I invite you to spend 6 months investing in women who are recovering from the devastating effects.

Or ask someone who counsels women in crisis pregnancies why women have abortions. I spent 11 years doing this very thing and although I long ago lost count of how many women I have counseled, I can tell you the answers resound with a singular bottom line: “I don’t see anyway to overcome _____ (insert hurdle here). I don’t have a choice”, she says. No choice?

That doesn’t sound very empowering, does it? Is that what we have done to a generation of women? Sold them a lie that this “quick fix” is the only solution to the “problem” of fertility, and touted abortion as a “right” and “freedom” when scores of women would tell you that it caused devastation in their hearts and lives. They’d be yelling this louder if they weren’t so often weighed down by secrecy and shame.

#4  This Girl

Me at 15. Such a baby. A BABY.

the 90's
Look, it was the 90’s, ok? Just TRY to move past the hair. And the braces. And that vest. Really? Vests?

A baby with some wrong notions about what real love would look like. Who was more than willing to listen to the sweet words of a 19 year old who talked about love and all the things a girl wants to hear, and decided she was ready to venture into a relationship that little 15 year old girls aren’t ready for.

You know what happens next.

“Have an abortion”, they said, “or your life is over”.

“You’ll never graduate high school”, they said. ( I did. )

“You’ll never go to college”, they said. (Proud graduate of Liberty University, thank you very much). 

“No good man will want to marry you if you already have a child”. (We celebrate 14 years this year). 

Yes, I know. These are all based on my experience. But my point is, “they” didn’t raise my child. “They” would not have had to suffer the consequences of whatever decision I made.

And 18 years later, I can tell you I made the right one.

It was anything but easy. It was hard.

It was an exhausting, rocky road.

It was worth it.  <— Understatement of the year. 

mother daughter
Me and my girl, on her 18th birthday. I am so FOR this woman’s rights. Her right to live, her right to be a world-changer.

I shared this story with her permission. She wanted it to be shared, saying “I’m here! And I am happy”! She recently started volunteering at a clinic that offers free services to women facing unplanned pregnancies.

Y’all. Redemption. He redeems every last detail.

#5 This Guy. 

The one in the header of the blog.

I hold this story a little closer, feeling a little more protective of it. Partly because he is not 18 yet, and I don’t know what parts of his story he will want to share. Partly because it is another woman’s story, too. So forgive me if I keep it brief and the details vague.

Born and taken directly into foster care. That broken system that people point to when they say that we don’t need more children born to parents who can’t raise them. And the foster care system is busting at the seems while children languish in temporary homes, often moved around more times than a child should have to bear. So, how then, can I say that ALL children deserve to be born even if there are others who are aging out of foster care already?

Well, for the same reason that we don’t look to the abused or neglected child and say that the right way to correct the situation is to kill them. Harsh words, I know. But let’s argue this out, shall we? When a child is mistreated, abused, unwanted, or the parents simply CAN’T provide despite desperately wanting to do so …. we intervene to HELP the child. We don’t see them as the problem.

So, if these babies are humans (see reason #2), then we should advocate and help them, too. We should HELP women who feel overwhelmed, not view the child as a “problem”. If the foster care system is broken (which is undoubtedly is), we look for solutions. (I’m look directly at YOU here, Church).

I have a picture of my son and I, standing with his birth mother the day we met her. I weighed the choice and in the end decided not to share it.

But she could, undoubtedly, serve as reason #6.

As her/my son is raised in a loving home, she has worked hard to overcome some challenges in her life and even go back to school. And when I pray for her, when I hold him or watch him grow, it only deepens my convictions that every life matters. His, hers; every life.

Life matters.

Comments and genuine questions welcome. Due to the emotional nature of this conversation, comments that are degrading or hurtful to women on EITHER side will be deleted. 

 

 

 

5 thoughts on “The Top 5 Reasons I am ProLife

  1. All the things you listed in #3, never go away… Even after 21 years. It’s something I talk about with no one and regret daily. I wish I had been strong enough to stand up to everyone who was so insistent it was the best thing for me.

    1. Leslie, my heart hurts reading your words. I wish I could give you a big hug. You are definitely not alone. Considering there have been over 55 million abortions since Roe v. Wade, I can’t imagine how many women are struggling – silently. BUT, I know there are so many who are NOT silent about their experience. One of my close friends, after YEARS of struggling silently, sought help and found healing. She now does post-abortion counseling for other women. So, there is SO MUCH GRACE for you and the millions of others who hurt. I grieve with you over your loss and your pain, but I celebrate the great mother you are today, and all the good that God has planned for you still. Redemption is sweetest where it meets and soothes our deepest wounds.

  2. I’m 22 with an 18 month old. I’m living at home and about to start graduate school (I want to be a school counselor.) It is hard.. so so hard sometimes. But mostly I just feel like I don’t deserve her. Anyways I really liked this. I love hearing stories of other women who had children young and unplanned who still went on to accomplish so much.

  3. I am both pro-life and pro-choice and fully believe they don’t have to be mutually exclusive. I’m a birth mother with an open adoption, a young lady who felt there was no life and no choice no matter which side of this argument I would have chosen – public school vs high church. Carrying him brought stigma, and giving him up was the best and hardest thing I’ve ever done.
    But I also believe in a choice being available since without a legal option people might resort to unhealthy ways of terminating an unwanted child or (more heartbreakingly) not be able to relieve the pain of a child who is suffering or won’t survive. I want to trust and believe that as parents we want to do what is best for our kids, even if that is choosing not to bring them into a situation that is… problematic, in whatever form that may take. Rights of the child shouldn’t trump those of the mother, but as a society we should give more awareness that there are more options than just keep vs kill.

    1. Hi Jem! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment and share your thoughts! I have great respect for women like yourself, who made such a selfless decision to do what was best for your child. I can’t imagine how you wrestled and grieved the loss, but I am glad you get to see what a gift you gave your child. As for the concerns about limiting abortion, I really do understand why you (and so many others) see having an option to abort as a compassionate choice for children that will suffer either emotionally or physically. I’ve considered those concerns myself, and the reason I couldn’t stand behind that argument is because it doesn’t hold water when we look at a bigger picture. If a child is removed from a home because the parents are abusive, no one would ever suggest that the child is the problem and should be put to death because they are suffering emotionally. We either bring in more support for the parents, or place the child with people equipped to provide for them physically and emotionally. Likewise, the child suffering with cancer and undergoing a painful and difficult treatment is given every medical intervention imaginable to SUSTAIN life, not to end it … DESPITE the suffering. So I think we do understand that ending a child’s life is not the answer for eliminating suffering. And if it isn’t merciful to end a child’s life because of emotional or physical pain at 2, 5, 10, or 15 then we are simply left with the same question…. IS the unborn a child/ human being? If so, no argument seems sufficient. And a person’s right to live trumps every other right everywhere else in society (for example, you can’t kill a person for stealing from you). Our rights are equal until one of our lives are in danger. You and I definitely agree on the fact that women need to understand they have options. I think there is a great lack of awareness where adoption is concerned – especially as you mentioned, that open adoption is now growing in popularity. Usually when I have sat across from a woman considering abortion, I hear the same theme – “I don’t have a choice”. Thankfully, you and I know that isn’t true. Thanks so much for sharing, Jem. I appreciate you.

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